


I've Come Back For You

by aspillofstars



Category: Grishaverse - Fandom, Shadow and Bone, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Crooked Kingdom - Freeform, Kanej - Freeform, Kanej angst, Kanej fluff, Six of Crows, Wesper fluff, drunk kaz, inej comes home, kanej pining, kaz writes a letter, leigh bardugo, wesper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24739912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspillofstars/pseuds/aspillofstars
Summary: Kaz is invited over by Jesper and Wylan to go out for a drink — and finds himself missing his Wraith instead. Meanwhile, Inej returns to Ketterdam briefly from sailing the seas and seeks out Kaz, finding a letter with his feelings about her spilled onto the page.
Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker & Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, kanej
Comments: 4
Kudos: 128
Collections: Grishaverse





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kanej fluff ang angst. Three-part fic.  
> Find my Tumblr masterlist here: https://aspillofstars.tumblr.com/post/620491097328746496/last-update-060920-general-requests-are-open

Kaz Brekker leaned back against his chair. He was supposed to be heading over to Wylan’s estate right now, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. His legs felt too heavy, like a weight dragging him under. The thought of showing up at Wylan’s house put him off. What would he do? Get drunk on Jesper’s alcohol collection? Watch as Wylan and Jesper cuddle together while he brooded in the corner, staring at the harbor where his Wraith had sailed away more than a year ago?

They’d invited him over for the sake of inviting him, he knew it. He wasn’t a thrill to have around. Truth to be told, he felt like some sort of machine these days--getting out of bed without sleeping, working, eating only when he felt like he was going to go ill, falling back into bed, and staring at the ceiling until the sun peeked over the world again.

He was a machine, all but the times he caught himself gazing out the window behind his desk, wondering if an agile, dark-haired girl would appear from the shadows, murmuring her Suli proverbs. Doing a count of the blades strapped on her, listing off each name: Sankta Alina, Sankt Petyr, Sankta Lizabeta, Sankta Anastasia, Sankta Marya, Sankt Vladimir. Telling him to get himself together and walk over to Wylan’s estate. Chastising him for worrying about her, wondering if she would come back for a bastard in a rotting Ketterdam, instead of getting things done.

Kaz hadn’t realized how much he had taken her for granted. A feeling gnawed at his insides every day, even though he used to raise his eyebrows at her for believing in the saints and for wishing to the stars. The letter that sat in his slightly open drawer didn’t help anything, either. He’d written that out of pure instinct and foolishness. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away.

Oh, how he wished he could pray to the saints and ask her to come back. It was selfish of him, but he’d never been particularly selfless, anyway.

Kaz was running a hand through his hair and scoffing at himself for his wallowing when someone knocked at the door. By the impatient pounding of it, he suspected it to be Jesper.

“Come in,” he said warily, dropping his hand. He’d left the door unlocked. He didn’t know why. Anyone could’ve come in here and stuck a knife in his chest. If he hadn’t killed them first.

Jesper whistled as he made his way in, bottle of whiskey in one hand. Kaz turned around a bit, not bothering to lift his feet off the desk. He’d rather have Jesper leave him alone and go fawn over Wylan. He sighed. “Shouldn’t you be with Wylan?”

“What, can I not visit?” Jesper shot back as he sat on Kaz’s desk. Kaz didn’t complain--he just stared at the spot. Inej would have done the same thing, but perched gracefully instead of plopping down like Jesper did.

“Jes…”

_ I’m such a fool _ , Kaz cursed at himself.  _ A fool for handing my heart over to my Wraith and letting her sail away with it on the waters of the True Sea _ .

_ What a fool I must look like to Jesper _ .

But he hadn’t meant to cut Jesper off like that.  Kaz had declined most of his invites to Wylan’s estate, each time because of something involving the Crow Club or kruge, but he didn’t have an excuse this time.  He hadn’t meant a lot of things, but Jesper had been there for him even when he hadn’t returned the favor. He didn’t know how to say that out loud without feeling completely useless.

Jesper set his bottle down and tapped his fingers on the faded wood of the desk. His mouth formed a smirk. “You missed me, be honest.”

Kaz’s eyebrows etched together. He stared at Jesper’s vest. What should he tell Jes?  _ I’m sorry I’m being such an asshole and not cooperating. I wish Inej was here, you know? Do you miss her, too? Am I softening? I’ve been horrible to you.  _ He clenched his jaw. Dirtyhands did not know how to apologize. Kaz Brekker didn’t seem to know how to do it to Jesper, either. He opened his mouth to say who-knew-what, but all that made it out was a “hm” and a frown written on his face. 

After a moment, Kaz sighed again. “Why are you here, Jesper?” 

There had to be a reason Jesper was here, more than just dragging him to the estate. He turned his gaze back to the window, eyes ashamed. He’d never felt more unguarded in his life.

Jesper leaned forward and rested his chin in his hands and his elbows on his knees. “To accompany you in your wallowing.”

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “Something happen with Wylan?”

Jesper picked at his vest nonchalantly. “Nah, man. Wy doesn’t go sailing off into the True Sea. He pushed me out the front door and told me to go look for you. And here I am.” 

“And here you are.” Kaz didn’t need another reminder of his Wraith. It was better to just let her go. It was usually so easy to not say goodbye--to just let go. But not with Inej. Not with his Wraith.

“You know she’ll be all right, right?” Jesper said, swinging his legs. Kaz looked away as Jesper continued, “She can handle herself.”

A whisper of pride swelled in Kaz despite the dead look in his eyes. “I know.”

“Then why are you sitting here and drowning in your own tears?”

“I’m not crying, Jes,” Kaz responded flatly.  Kaz Brekker crying would only exist in another world.

“You might as well be, you lovesick fool,” Jesper chuckled, shooting Kaz an amused look. 

Kaz agreed silently. That was it. He was a lovesick fool.

He almost laughed out loud at himself for it.

Jesper rolled his eyes at Kaz’s taut, brooding face. “Hey, Kaz. At least you didn’t kiss the wrong girl.”

Kaz cringed at that. The beginnings of Jesper and Wylan had been...interesting, he admitted. But he would never mistake anyone for Inej Ghafa. His Wraith was one of her own.

He startled briefly as Jesper roughly placed his bottle of whiskey in front of him. “Drink.”

“I’d rather stay sober.”

“If a bit of whiskey will make you stop worrying about the invincible Inej Ghafa, then drink.”

He had a point. Kaz grabbed the bottle and took a swig. “Thanks, Jes.”

Jesper smirked again and hopped off the desk. “Never thought I’d live to see a day when Kaz Brekker thanks me for whiskey. Now come on, man. Wylan’s going to kill me.”

And maybe it was the whiskey, or  _ the invincible Inej Ghafa _ , or some short muster of faith, that pushed Kaz out of the chair and prompted him to follow Jesper out of his office, gripping his cane for support. He would stop worrying about Inej, but he would never let her go. Not in a million years. He hadn’t seen her off that day, only stood at the port, knowing she saw him watching her sail off, because he wasn’t ever one for temporary goodbyes—and because he knew she would return. His Wraith kept her promises. Even though some dark part of him whispered that that could be the last time he ever saw her, he had faith. Not in any of the saints, but in the girl he’d come to know: the girl who could push through anything despite the odds.

And perhaps it was that thought that put him at peace when Wylan opened the door and ushered Jesper and him in, Wylan blushing as Jesper planted a kiss on his nose and Kaz hoping to one day see again that same splatter of beautiful crimson across the cheeks of his beloved Wraith.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz is invited over by Jesper and Wylan to go out for a drink — and finds himself missing his Wraith instead. Meanwhile, Inej returns to Ketterdam briefly from sailing the seas and seeks out Kaz, finding a letter with his feelings about her spilled onto the page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kanej fluff ang angst. Three-part fic.  
> Find my Tumblr masterlist here: https://aspillofstars.tumblr.com/post/620491097328746496/last-update-060920-general-requests-are-open

Inej slipped through the window of Kaz’s office with a graceful swing, careful where she was dripping the rain soaking through her clothes. The window had been open when she approached it from the rooftop, letting drops of rain fall inside. The rain had started falling furiously right when Inej had docked at the harbor, like some sort of bad omen from the saints. Inej dearly hoped not. And yet, a crease formed between her brows. It was unlike Kaz to leave anything open and hanging. Had she known she’d be back? Or was he that distracted?

Inej scanned the room for a boy with sleek, black hair and a cane with a crow’s head, but to no avail. She frowned. Not that she was worried--Kaz could handle himself anywhere he went--but Kaz knew that she’d be back today. She’d told him as much before she sailed away last time. And Kaz knew she never broke her promises.

She hadn’t stayed for long last time before leaving again, but Kaz knew her well enough to know that she would be back in Ketterdam.

With silent footsteps, she approached his wooden desk. Papers were scattered all over the place, the chair was pushed back, one of the drawers slightly ajar. Inej frowned. Kaz wasn’t messy. He usually left his desk completely empty so that no one could peek at his paperwork, his chair was usually pushed against the desk, and all the drawers were typically locked closed.

Despite all her attempts, a worrying feeling gnawed at Inej.

Where would Kaz be? On a walk? At the port? At Wylan’s, with Jesper? Going out for a drink with them?

That was it.

Jesper always got Kaz somewhere he didn’t need to be.

With a small groan, Inej rounded the desk to head to head to the door. Nothing was to be found here.

And then a small scrap of paper with a word--a name--on it caught her eye. A name, scribbled in Kaz’s unruly writing.

_ WRAITH _

Inej froze and pulled the paper--an envelope--out of its spot in the ajar drawer. The flap hadn’t been sealed closed yet, and a torn piece of paper sat inside.

Her eyes narrowed as she slipped the paper out of the envelope. Kaz wasn’t one to write, ever.  _ Too much valuable information revealed all on a piece of paper, _ he’d once said.  _ Why not keep it all in your head? _

The water on her fingers bled into the parchment as Inej began to read.

_ My Wraith _ _ Inej, _

_ It’s been sixteen months and three days. _

_ I’m so used to having you here that even sixteen and three days hasn’t shaken off the feeling that you’re still following me, leaping from rooftop to rooftop. I catch myself having that feeling more and more the closer we drift to the day you promised you’d be back. I crossed out ‘My Wraith’ because you aren’t that anymore. I still think of you like that. My Wraith. But you’re someone more now. Captain Inej Ghafa. And I’ve continued the usual at the Slat. Made it more than what Per Haskell could ever accomplish. The kruge is coming in far more often and Jesper has been trying to steal all of it from me. _

_ I don’t know why I decided to write this. The thoughts in my head can’t be expressed through ink and parchment. You know that. This information could be used against you. Could be dangerous. Why not keep it all in my head? _

_ I should probably throw this in the waste. _

_ I can’t seem to bring myself to. _

_ Goddamn it, Wraith. Why can’t I get you out of my head? You deserve to sail the True Sea freely, without some murderous bastard trailing you with his thoughts. _

_ Wylan and Jes invited me to go over tomorrow. They want to go out to the pubs and have a night out. I accepted. ‘What’s a day of forgetfulness and enjoyment?’ they urged. They said I’m either thinking about kruge, blood, or Inej Ghafa. _

_ I didn’t bother denying it. _

Inej sucked in a sharp breath.

_ Sometimes I wonder who you’ve encountered, what you’re doing, only to realize you’ve told me so much of it. How is your crew? I know the answer. They’re good to you. How many slave ships have you stopped? How many victims have you saved? More than you can count, you said. But I know you can count all of them. Nothing slips past your mind. _

_ Sometimes I’m walking down the street and miss your presence in the shadows, so much that I call out, “Wraith?” only for you not to be there. You wouldn’t be, of course. I’ve been wishing, by some miracle from your saints, that you would appear. It’s a silly wish that has not received a reply. I’ve become such a fool. You’d be ashamed. _

_ You told me to become a better man. To take off my armor. I’m trying, Wraith. In my head, I used to think, ‘What would Dirtyhands do?’ but now, I think, ‘What would my Wraith have me do?’ _

_ It’s become some sort of ritual for me, like you with counting your blades off. I don’t know if it makes me any better, if that new voice in my mind is anything at all, but I’d like to think that I’m trying. It’s foreign to me. Trying to be better. I’ve been trying to become worse since I came to Ketterdam. Swallowed by darkness. _

_ Your light inspired me. _

And Inej thought she could hear the sound of her heart bursting of awe and disbelief and joy.

_ I think of you too often and it’s dangerous but I can’t stop and I miss you I miss you I miss you _ _ What the fuck am I writing? _

_ I hope you found someone who you truly deserve, Inej. You’ve set me on the path to try to become better, but you shouldn’t be waiting around for me. Perhaps you were destined for someone across the True Sea. _

_ I wouldn’t know what to do _ _ I’d be happy for you. _

_ Sleep never alludes me, as you know. But let me finish this mess of scribbles before I decide to pour the rest of my life onto it. I’m sure I’d be doing the Dime Lions a favor. _

_ You told me you’d be back tomorrow, as of my writing. Somehow, I’m hoping you won’t, because I know I’ll never send this out, and I know you’ll find this. That’s why  _ _ you’re _ _ you were my Wraith, after all. You somehow find out everything about me, and yet you never use it against me. But some darker part of me hopes that you have found happiness elsewhere, where Ketterdam’s bloodied cobblestones and cruel men won’t ever find you. Maybe it’s time to say that you’re missing someone else. If you ever missed me. It’s a far stretch, I know. _

_ But you know I’m selfish. I still want you back. A lot. _

_ And you said that Ketterdam would still be home, in more ways than one. It’s the place where you became the feared Wraith. The place that made you feel like you could make an impact on this wretched world. Maybe that’s why you’ll be back. _

_ I write that with so much dangerous hope certainty, but I’ll doubt myself by tomorrow. Hope can be such an evil thing. Maybe that’s why I’m writing this. To pour all that hope into ink and crumple the parchment up and throw it away. Maybe I just want to see you safe, next to me. _

_ You are every rooftop that sits on the rickety buildings of this city. You are every shadow that haunts the corners of my office, of my room. Where are your Suli proverbs when I need them? I would have come back for you, my Wraith. Will you come back for me? _

Inej’s hands shook as her eyes scanned the lines and lines of words. She almost smiled. Of course Kaz didn’t sign off. He never said goodbye to anyone, ever. It was just a process of letting go for him.

She wasn’t letting him go that easily. It angered her that he thought she would walk away that airily. No matter how many times she told him to take off that armor, some part of him always clung to the idea that he was lower than her, despite having taught her so many of the things she knew.

She’d confront all the feelings that came with that letter, clawed their way up inside her, someday. It had given her the answer that she needed.

_ I’ll doubt myself by tomorrow _ .

By now, he was probably at some tavern with Wylan and Jesper, thinking that she wouldn’t be back. Jes and Wy would be dealing with his eternal brooding. She’d arrived an hour from midnight, after all, in the pouring storm. 

But Inej pulled the damp hood of her cloak back on and counted every one of her blades. Sankta Alina, Sankt Petyr, Sankta Lizabeta, Sankta Anastasia. Sankta Marya. Sankt Vladimir.

_ I’ve come back for you, Kaz Brekker, _ she thought as she slipped out the door.  _ I’ll always come back for you. _

She had never been meant for a peaceful, ordinary life in the countryside. Her days from the Menagerie would haunt her in her sleep, her knives tucked away so that innocent villager eyes would not pry. That was not the life she wanted to have.

There was one person who understood all of her nightmares. One person who knew her past and her strengths and struggles, who would never use her weaknesses against her.

With her dark braid trailing after her, Inej set out to find the boy she would never let go of.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz is invited over by Jesper and Wylan to go out for a drink — and finds himself missing his Wraith instead. Meanwhile, Inej returns to Ketterdam briefly from sailing the seas and seeks out Kaz, finding a letter with his feelings about her spilled onto the page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kanej fluff ang angst. Three-part fic.  
> Find my Tumblr masterlist here: https://aspillofstars.tumblr.com/post/620491097328746496/last-update-060920-general-requests-are-open

Inej soared on the rooftops of a rainy Ketterdam once again. The loose pebbles and splintered wood of the buildings was a familiar feeling to her. It brought her some sort of rare calm and peace. The rain poured down, but Inej jumped gracefully down to the streets. Drops splashed on her face. She tilted her head up and allowed herself a smile. Her crewmates had bet her that she might be sick of water by the time she got back, but that was nowhere near the truth. The plitter-platters of Ketterdam’s storms comforted her, even as her mind raced and her heart was buried with Kaz’s letter.

As Inej walked through the streets, some of the lights inside nearby shops flickered off, and distant bells rang past midnight. A rackety pub came into view, some lighthearted music and laughter sounding from within. Inej shook her head at the windows. She’s rarely seen Kaz drunk, but the one time she had, drunk Kaz had been a competitive, smirking asshole.

Her stomach roiled at the sight of the pub. Taverns and pubs in Ketterdam usually meant men looking for a pretty girl to push themselves upon, too drunk to even make their way to the Menagerie. Inej clenched her hands into fists around her knives and tried to will the dreadful feeling curling in her away.  _ Overthinking again _ .

She’d been to enough pubs with Jesper, but she’d never been able to shake away this feeling.

Inej didn’t mind the water dripping from her cloak as she slipped into the noisy pub, the reek of alcohol and sweat immediately filling her senses. No one noticed the drenched, small figure that navigated through the room until a pair of dark eyes caught sight of her from tables away.

_ They said I’m either thinking about kruge, blood, or Inej Ghafa. I didn’t bother denying it. _

Kaz looked like he was about to vomit, and not from the amount of whiskey he’d drank. Inej was sure her heart would jump out of her chest.

She couldn’t help but smile back at the smirk that broke across Kaz’s face as he drawled, “Hello, darling Inej.”

“Hello, Kaz.” She slipped into the seat opposite from him. 

Kaz’s fingers slackened at his slide as he took her in. His eyes trailed from the soaked cloak that Inej piled next to her to the droplets of rain still in her coiled hair, as if assessing if she was hurt. His fingers tapped lightly against the empty whiskey bottle sitting on the table. And then his gaze shifted to somewhere under the table. “Never thought I’d get this drunk.”

Inej swore her heart stopped. “What?”

“If I’m drunk enough that you’re actually--” Kaz waved his hand, “”--showing up, then either I’ve gone insane or I’ve lost all my self-control.”

Inej almost scoffed out loud. So she was only supposed to visit in his alcohol stupors. She didn’t recall drunk Kaz being this infuriating.

She reached into her inner pocket and slapped his letter on the table. It was slightly damp from the rain. “I’m actually here.”

Her jaw tightened as he took in the letter, and then smiled sharply at her. “You read it.”

Not a question. “I did.”

And that seemed to snap Kaz out of his stupor, his eyes narrowing. “You’re late.”

“To be fair, I arrived before midnight. I just decided to visit you after.” Or maybe she had planned to visit him before midnight, but had become preoccupied with the contents of the letter sitting in front of them. “Where’s Jesper and Wylan?”

“Wylan was uncomfortable with drunk Jesper. I told him to get used to it. He took Jesper back to the estate instead.”

Inej managed a small, tight smile. “Of course he did.”

Kaz’s dark eyes followed her as she gracefully took a seat across from him. “What’s business, Inej?”

Not  _ my Wraith _ . Inej Ghafa. Captain Inej. Just Inej. Inej almost felt proud, but the lines of her mouth hardened. “Nothing. I’m visiting.”

He looked under the table again with a wave of his hand. “And why would you visit a bastard from the Barrel?”

She really couldn’t believe this was the same person who wrote the letter sitting on the table. It was still true; one minute he made her blush and the next he made her want to commit murder. Drunk Kaz was even worse.

_ Is he even drunk _ ? Inej suddenly wondered. She had immediately assumed it when she walked into this mess of a place, but Kaz had never been a lightweight.

Kaz glanced at her briefly before dipping his head under the table again. Inej frowned. “What are you doing?”

She leaned down to find Kaz watching a crow under the table waddle about, and huffed a laugh. “You’ve been making eyes at a crow this whole time?”

“They’re intelligent,” Kaz murmured, somewhat to himself. 

Inej put her head in her hands. She definitely felt like committing murder. “You know, Kaz, I thought you weren’t drunk for a moment.”

“I’m not,” Kaz replied flatly, amused eyes on her again. 

Inej shook her head and tossed his whiskey bottle in the nearest waste bin. “If you’re flirting with crows while I’m trying to talk to you about a certain letter you wrote, you’re definitely drunk.”

“Am not.”

“Somber Kaz wouldn’t have bothered arguing.”

“Did you know somber Kaz that well?” A muscle ticked in Kaz’s jaw. Inej stared at him. He knew the answer to that question. She knew him better than he’d allowed anyone else to know him. They had gotten so far before she left, but Kaz didn’t seem to want to cooperate. 

Inej sighed and nodded at the letter. “Were you at least somber when you wrote that?”

And suddenly something had changed between them--something a little like fear. And when fear arrived, something was about to happen. Kaz’s voice was barely a whisper when he replied, “I was.”

_ It’s been sixteen months and three days. _

“And I’m not a lightweight,” Kaz continued, voice low. “I’m not that drunk at all. I know you suspected as much.”

“Then what are you doing here?” Inej resisted the tremble that tried to take over her. Kaz was barely a presence in her day-to-day life now, but somehow he was also everything. He leaned dangerously closer, the wooden table the only thing separating them, his barely-controlled breaths sending soft breezes along the ridges of her hands. Those dark eyes of his, like bitter coffee, lingered over her features--in awe, amazement, and a little bit of guilt.

“Becau...” Kaz abruptly trailed off, a deep frown lining his features. Almost a scheming face. The face he wore before a storm. The face he wore when fighting for something.

“Because I needed to get you out of my head with some alcohol that, at this point, has barely tinted anything,” Kaz admitted, releasing a huff of air as he did. “Maybe because up until the last month, I’ve been working my ass off for missions and stupid people at the Crow Club and some lovely, lovely kruge. Maybe...maybe, up until the last month, I was so busy I barely gave you a second thought. But now, I almost have nothing to do, for once. And you drifted back. You’re back. And I meant everything I wrote in that letter.”

Inej breathing caught at how Kaz paused between the words, as if he couldn’t quite phrase everything right. His confession etched itself in her over and over, like a tattoo over her heart. He’d never openly told her this much about what this...this thing was between them. Never. Not at the Slat, not in Fjerda, and definitely not in a tavern where they were both glad the men were too drunk to pay attention to them--perhaps they were just two Dregs discussing plans.

She cautiously reached out and laid a hand over Kaz’s gloved one. He sucked in a sharp breath. Andd it wasn’t because it was skin-to-skin contact--it wasn’t, his gloves were on--but because it was just...her. Just them. Inej dipped her head to meet Kaz’s downturned eyes and whispered gently, “Take off the armour, Kaz.”

He released a shaky breath. “I haven’t welcomed you back.”

That gut-wrenching, sweet feeling course through her again. “You still can.”

Kaz let loose a small smile, barely perceptible, a hidden diamond in a mine of coals. He would not offer anything else on the premises of a public tavern. But that smile, that little bit of easyness, was enough as he said, “Welcome back, Inej.”  _ Welcome home. _

A grin played across Inej’s lips, and Kaz’s eyes lightened a bit. She pursed her lips in an effort to contain it. “It’s been a while.”

“I’d love to hear all the stories of almighty Captain Inej,” Kaz said, leaning back and lounging an arm on the back of the chair. Trying to avoid whatever this tension was between them.

“Nothing that eventful. Just a couple of damned slaver’s ships that may be in need of a lot of repair. They fucking deserved it.”

Kaz snorted. “Swearing like a sailor already.”

“Hm. Oh, and I finally thanked Sturmhond,” Inej started, the hand on his hand tensing again. Kaz watched the motion. His gaze stayed on that as she continued. “I gave him a whole, longass speech about how much it meant to me and my parents. They’re safely home, thank the Saints. But Sturmhond just offered me a cocky grin that Mama said could’ve knocked the breath right out of any woman.”’

Kaz’s eyes snapped to hers. “Never trust a man whose smile steals the breath right from your lungs.”

“Then I can’t trust you.”

Inej felt the gloved hand under hers tense. Behind that carefully guarded mask, she could see those swirling, battling emotions. He looked like he wanted to...he wanted. She raised her chin.  _ Take off the armour _ . She knew that Kaz would never be so unguarded to reveal everything in a tavern, but that gaze...it burned through her like a raging fire. Her chest felt like a clenched fist as she watched Kaz’s gloved hands clench and unclench. “I’ve told you just as much.”

_ Don’t trust anyone _ , he’d once said to her.  _ Don’t trust me. Anyone here can turn around and stab you when you don’t notice. Keep your armour on at all times _ .

But she didn’t want to keep the armour on for him. Inej almost huffed a laugh. He was the only person around besides her parents that she trusted--even her parents didn’t know the finer, gruesome details of what she went through in Ketterdam. But Kaz did. He understood how a smile from a stranger down the street could feel like a cage, how a hug could feel like a prison. How intimacy looked like a deep, dark hole that had no end. But they’d tried before. Maybe they could try again. Another sentimental fool’s hope. Perhaps they were just two fools, after all. Inej swallowed and choked out, “But I do. I do, despite everything.” At the uncertain look on Kaz’s face, she repeated, “I trust you. You deserve as much. I deserve as much. Stop hiding yourself _ , _ Kaz. You might need to for the rest of the world, but please don’t do so for me.”

Kaz closed his eyes briefly. “Not here.”

She splayed her arms out. “Then where, Kaz? Are you going to hide me forever like some broken doll? It’s dangerous, I know. I know it has almost gotten me killed once. I saw that look at me when Jan Van Eck was standing right next to you. But I can defend myself. I’m not a quiet Suli lynx anymore. We’re never going to be  _ normal _ , and you know that, but I’m not something you need to protect as your investment anymore.” Inej loosed a breath. Everything,  _ everything _ that she had stuffed in that inner bottle of hers had been spilled. “I’d rather be more than just a fighter. I’ve been fighting my entire life.”

She flinched at how his eyes shuttered, two, dark moons hovering in his gaze. His throat bobbed, his voice a quiet growl. “I’m sorry. It’s just they could use you. And I’d never know.”

“I know, I just--” another deep breath, “--just stop hiding from it all. It doesn’t need to be a grand tale. And it takes time. But...try? For me?”

“I’m sorry,” he nodded and repeated breathily.

Inej smiled, just a little bit. Before she’d left, she had thought that they’d taken another step. Then, the first time she came back, Kaz barely approached her or talked to her. As if he was trying to distance himself from her. He’d taken a step back. But this time…

She held out a hand. “Slat?”

He nodded again. “Slat.”

Inej tucked the letter back into her pocket gently. Kaz’s gloved hand slipped into hers, his other hand grasping his cane and his hat. Together, they walked out into the cold, Ketterdam night, the streets damp from the rain earlier. And maybe it was the breeze that lifted her hair, so elegantly that Kaz stared and stared, or their clasped hands, or the glimmering, bright stars watching above like saints, that made Inej suggest, “How about some rooftop running?”

“Go right ahead,” Kaz said, a grin playing on his face. And so when Kaz turned onto the street of the Slat minutes later and called out, “Wraith?”, it was not a fool’s hope.

It was not a fool’s hope, because it was a reality that Inej Ghafa appeared out of the shadows as Kaz had imagined so many times before scribbling it in his letter. It was finally, finally a reality as she followed him into the rickety building of the Slat with a soft smile, some sort of magical, beautiful color spread over her cheeks that made Kaz’s heart flutter. 

Perhaps, Kaz thought, that smile was truly something that he wanted to bottle up and get drunk on.


End file.
